Change is a two-way street . . .
The breakfast crew has been dissolved as a group for some time now but I’m fortunate to say, I’ve maintained frequent contact with them. I am like the nucleus because I am stationary, everyone can appear at the Times and 99 times out of 100, I am here. Last week was a very nice week for ‘breakfast crew’ visits that I always enjoy. We talk about the latest edition of the Times, what was in it or what is going to be in it when it hits the stands on Thursday (or Wednesday night).
The conversation immediately turns to what was happening in and around the county, the schools, the various cities, and towns. Someone who normally doesn’t attend county, city, and school board meetings had watched on ZOOM recently. He was talking about how change isn’t always good. From there, we went to what was standard rules in our homes growing up (keep in mind I am way, way older than anyone in the breakfast crew) but we do share some of the same parenting skills from our parents. He was saying that he never understood why you could wipe your nose at the table, but you could not blow your nose at the table until recently when he was in a local restaurant. He and his family had gone to Johnny Macs in Sneads and had a very nice meal, very tasty and up until midway through their meal, had been a very nice experience. That’s when a gentleman behind him, obviously who had not grown up under the same parenting rules, blew his nose, rather loudly. That was the end of his dinner. He went on to say never could he have realized that a meal could be ruined so quickly but his definitely was. I countered with that was definitely a rule at our house growing up as was belching or burping at the table. He agreed with that also.
That very day, we had another breakfast crew visitor in the office, and I was relating this story to him (you may have figured out by now why I fall behind in my work). He said a few years earlier, his family had family members over for dinner. A teenage niece was at the ‘adult’ table and let out a very loud belch. The gentleman said about the time he was going to tear into her, her dad started laughing and said, “Good one”. Needless to say, that did not go over well at all with my crew member.
We went on to talk about other rules of etiquette that have long gone by the wayside with so many people. Hats on males inside buildings. Back to the ZOOM meeting attendee, he went on to say that he was shocked when a high-end department head entered an advertised meeting to present his agenda with a hat on his head. He said, “That would not have happened with my dad around, I can assure you. And that’s why I say, change isn’t always for the better.” I totally agree. We did not leave the table without permission or with food on our plate. Whatever food we wanted, we were welcomed to take but whatever we took, we were expected to eat. There was no wasted food in our home. We didn’t just finish our food, get up and leave the table – oh no, you had to have permission to be excused. You didn’t have your arms spread all over the table, and of course there were no cell phones so that was never an issue. There were no toys, distractions of any kind brought to the table. The dinner table was for eating and talking about your day and how it went. Of course, if there had been problems at school, our parents already knew about that and if we were at fault in any way, we had been dealt with already.
No adult was answered with a no or a yes for certain – and if you happened to make that mistake, you had a reminder on your backside that would give you a lasting memory of how to answer the next time. Sometimes, I hear kids ask, “What difference does it make?” It’s about what is right and what is wrong. Kids are kids and adults are adults. When a child reaches adulthood, he can expect the same respect that they’ve been given for the last 18 years but until then, they can wait their turn.
Parents, your child will be fine and his or her future friends, associates, employers, and co-workers will appreciate you so much IF you will parent until they are adults. After that, be their friend, but ONLY after they are adults. Children need guidance, they need structure and to deprive them of it, sets them up for failure. I’ve never known a child to be severely traumatized over being told to have respect for others!
